God's Sense of Humor and a Lesson in Change

Guess what? It's been forever since I blogged! I wish I could say there was a really good reason for it, but the truth of the matter is I am one that wishes I could journal or write as a daily discipline, but haven't yet been able to add that to my repertoire. I still try to be transparent and honest with you about my shortcomings, so get ready for a doosy!

This morning God connected some dots for me and I knew it wasn't going to be just a Facebook post. Let me set the scene for you!

A couple of week's ago, one of my mentors reminded me that change is hard. If you are friends with me on Facebook or in everyday life, you will know that Chad and I started working with a team from church to help create Ministry Connect, the volunteer ministry for our church and beyond. It is an awesome work that has proved to be more challenging than we ever dreamed! We love it! Those of you who know that when you set out to stay in God's will and do a task He set before you, know that the enemy likes to put roadblocks in your way. Well, I had ended up with a huge roadblock and knew it was time to seek wisdom and experience, so I found myself in my mentor's office. I heard the words she said and agreed with them, but don't know that they really sunk in. "Yes, I know change is hard, but it is needed," I said. She reminded me that even though it may be a change for the good and growth, that our human nature is still loath to go in a new direction. Again, I heard the words and agreed with them, but God wasn't done with me yet on this topic.

Let me digress just a bit to share with you my take on God's sense of humor. I know that I'm not alone in that we all have a person or persons who get under our skin for one reason or another. For that matter, I may be that person for you! I have said, quite a bit to my husband, that if I voice that, "I don't like that about so&so" or "he just isn't my favorite person" and the person I am referring to is a member of the body of Christ, I can be sure that person is going to be my new buddy soon! Please don't get me wrong, I love people and I really try not to complain, but I believe the good Lord is taking me to a newer level where I can't even voice an off-handed comment without experiencing immediate repercussions. These aren't bad things. Quite the opposite actually! Let me give you an idea of what I mean. There was a fellow who I felt was a bit loud and his sense of humor just got on my nerves. My husband knew he bugged me and would tease me about him and my reaction to him. One day, this fellow decides he is going to be buddy-buddy with my daughter and she's "taken" by him. She chats with him and plays with him nearly every time she sees him. Then he ends up helping with my husband on one of his projects. Chad tells me a story about how he went out of his way to make another individual feel warm and welcomed. The next thing I know, I'm happy to count him as a friend and fellow servant and glad he is in my life. I know that God changed me so that I can see what God sees about this fellow. Here's why I say God has a sense of humor, I would go out of my way to limit interaction with this gentleman, but God said, "Uh-uh, ain't happening" and put him square in my path until I learned to appreciate this beautiful, thoughtful, joyful creation of the Almighty!

Then to further illustrate God's sense of humor, I submit my actions from yesterday and today. Now I know some of you may be thinking I don't see a "sense of humor" I see a lesson. OK, I give you that, but I also believe that Jesus had a "wicked" (not evil, there is another use for this word!) sense of humor from some of the things he said (check out his reference on the "plank in your own eye" for an example) and when we have seen the Son, we have seen the Father, so I choose to believe God has a sense of humor and He exercises it greatly in my life. I'm sure He grins a good deal when I finally connect the dots and say, "OK, I get it now God." But I got off on a tangent again! Yesterday, I shared a post about The 7 Types of Parents You See at Drop-off and commented that, "I hope my daughter doesn't feel slighted and the good people who take care of her feel valued by me!" Boy, that one didn't take long to undo! This morning, I have a bit of a cold and took a little longer than normal to get out of bed, which of course made it hard to get to daycare drop-off early enough so that I had a cushion of time to regroup before my first bus stop. So, now it is double whammy time for good ol' Karen!

You see our daycare and preschool just got a new director and we are undergoing some changes (yup, there's that word!) that I believe in and support. However, this morning is our first day back after a week off due to a school break and my daughter's preschool schedule. When I got to the door I always take her into, there is a sign on the door. Running late, I don't take time to read it all of the way and head on in with her in tow. One of the wonderful workers greets me and lets me know that this door is no longer where I need to bring my little one in and the sign-in sheet is in another part of the building. I look at the time and realize that I don't have enough time to go sign her in, so in a rushed voice, I say this to the worker and she graciously tells me she will take care of it. I quickly bend over, squeeze and kiss my girl and run for the door. Immediately as I get behind the wheel, I realize what I did! In a rush to make up for my mistake, I didn't take time to make sure my daughter understood the change, nor did I take time to honor that change with those in authority (the daycare worker and director). Talk about egg on my face! Boy, when I blow it, I do it in style! But wait, there is more to this lesson that I needed to learn.  

You see, I then wanted to focus on the fact that I only had the notice of the sign on the door. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I should have had a little bit more time to prepare for this change. After all, they could have sent a letter home and made sure that I knew ahead of time that there was a new procedure. So, I thought to myself that I would head back in there and quietly suggest that in the future, perhaps they should send a letter or email so that I could be better prepared for the change. (Yes, dear reader, I was entirely full of myself! Luckily, not so much so that I was in a "righteous tizzy"! ) Now, let me point out that I whole-heartedly agree with this change! I think it is a matter of protection for the little ones and it is one that not too long ago, my brother-in-law and I were discussing. (There's that sense of humor again!) When I got back to the daycare, God had another plan! Who should I bump into? None other but the minister, who never fails to bring a smile to my face and give me a hug. Needless to say, my attitude took a lifting. He walked me in and chatted with me the whole time. I took some time to make sure my daughter had been signed-in and I put my initials by it, then I took some time to notice the other postings and flyers. As I had paused, my friend did his errand and came back to check with me to make sure I was OK. I told him how much I appreciated this change and then humbly voiced my wish that I had known about it a bit ahead of time. He smiled big and said, "Ah, gotcha!" I have to laugh now writing this as those words mean much more than what he meant them to mean. 

I hope my connecting the dots lesson and failing by getting so full of myself helps you. In case you got caught up in my tale and missed what I learned, here it is: 1) change is hard. Yes, I heard my mentor's words and respected what she had to say, but I had to live it out in order to be on the other side and appreciate the emotions that go with that. Remember, I whole-heartedly believed in the change made at the daycare, but because the change didn't happen the way I thought it should, it upset me. God used my friend to soften me, slow me, and still allow me to "have my say" even when I didn't need to. Thank you God for unexpected appointments! In case you are wondering, he has no idea (unless he is reading this now) that God used him to teach me a huge and humbling lesson. I will be praying that I can be more respectful of the upset feelings that will happen as we continue to bring change to the body. 2) Learn to appreciate the good in EVERYONE and keep your mouth shut! There is a lady at church who I always tell my husband that even sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth. I have never in the 15+ years I've known her, heard her speak an unkind (not just bad, but to the degree of she doesn't even say something slightly off!) word about anyone. I believe God is taking me to that level. You see the people that God has put in my life recently, I didn't say hateful or hurtful things about, I simply said that there was something I didn't like about them. It wasn't what I defined gossip as. I wasn't carrying a tale about that person to someone else or spreading rumors, etc. Guess God is going to change that definition of "gossip" for me. Pastor has been preaching on unity lately and I am right there with him saying, "amen!" and supporting that teaching. Guess I really have to learn to own that teaching now! Unity is a lot more than just agreeing and believing the same way. In the body of Christ, I believe unity is even more so about love. Jesus said that people would know us by our love for one another. You have probably never heard me say a bad thing about my husband. It's not because he's perfect, it's because I love him so much that I want you to love and respect him too and how can you do that if I'm talking bad about him? Guess it is now time for me to take that lesson and apply it to unify the body and glorify God. 

For those of you who may be reading my blog for the first time, yes, this level transparency is painful. It is humbling and it is not for everyone. There will be people who read this and no longer have the level of respect that they had for me in the past. But you know what? There will be some who will read it and get out of it exactly what God has for them, which is encouragement. We all blow it, He just asked (ha, who am I kidding? "Requires" is the better word choice!) me to be a bit more open about when I do. I'm just a tool in the hand of the Almighty and I hope you will respect that if not me.

Blessings to you and yours dear reader! <3 ya all!        

Not A Pretty Picture

   

     When I started this blog, I said that I would share what it looks like to go through 40 days. I also told you that I would be honest and that removing the masks we all wear is important for this writing. Today, I feel God dealing with me on that, so here goes, just remember, it's not a pretty picture.
     Prior to November 7, 2013 (our date to start these "40 days"), I was drastically different in a lot of ways. At least most of the ways that count! As the masks come off today, there is going to be a lot of "bloodshed" in the form of ego as I now have to allow you to choose or not to choose to judge me for who I really am. I hope that you will choose not to judge, but I'm very realistic and I know that God deals with me on being judgmental. There probably will be tears shed too as it is a hard thing! So enough stalling and on to the ripping off of band aids and scabs so that old wounds really can heal.
     Before Chad's accident, I was very "take it as it comes" with my faith. Most people won't know this about me because I have always had a gifting on my life. As long as I can remember, I have taken prayer seriously. I talk to God all the time. I think it is because of this and my willingness to allow Him to speak through me any time He needs to, that I have been able to "breeze through" without doing the hard work. "Hard work"? Daily devotionals, daily laying things on the alter of Christ, daily examining my motives and picking up my cross. It's not quite equal to the "she can talk a good game" but probably pretty close.
     Throughout my life, I have tried again and again to get regular Bible time going. Wayne Huddleston is a champion of reading the Bible and he has always recommended reading plans. I've tried them off and on through the years and just didn't stick with it. I know a lot of Scripture. I know a lot of what God says and I made an effort to live by God's teaching. Here in the previous months, I had started going to a woman's Bible study and I had used the lesson plans from that weekly, but still I would find myself "cheating" and working on my study all in one day.
     Before, I would give things to God, but I wouldn't lay things on Christ's alter and do the work to leave them there. I would say things in prayer like, "God, I know I shouldn't judge, but so and so is really doing some things she shouldn't." (See why I said earlier I know what I'm opening myself up to, I did/do it.) Or "Father, I trust you" but in the next hour I'm trying to figure out how to fix my problem.
     Before, I would do things because I felt obligated or expected to do them. See if this fits you, "it's what a Christian should do." I know what Christianity looks like, I have had it modeled for me by some of the strongest saints around. I don't know this for myself since I can't remember her through the eyes of an adult, but many people tell me that my birth mother was a very strong saint. If people can remember your faith in the Lord even after 30+ years of your death, I would say there was something to that!
     Now please don't get me wrong here and think that I was putting on an act. That was never the case and I have served the Lord faithfully many times over the years. Did you catch that? I said "many times" not daily. I have never played at loving others and serving. I always took that very seriously, but I also never did it to my full capacity. I never "gave til it hurt." I didn't open myself up as much as I could/should.
     Before, I would say I was "Christian light". Maybe you know what I'm talking about. I think you would probably be surprised that many people you know have found themselves in this boat. I never have doubted my salvation. I never felt that I haven't loved the Lord. I just missed out on a whole lot of blessings He had for me because, while I thought I was letting Him use me, the truth was, I was dabbling in this life.
     Now, I realize that God wrote these amazing letters to me and He really wants me to know Him. Now, I crave our time together and when I miss it, I feel lost. I find myself out of sorts and at loose ends.
     Now, I work on leaving those things I put on Christ's alter there. It's still a struggle, but I have seen every day that God takes care of me and mine and does so in ways that are miraculous. I still pray about some of the same things I see in other people, but now I ask God if there is some of that in me and if so, I ask Him to change that in me.
     Now, I have a new love in me that I HAVE to give away. I don't feel obligated, but feel a need or desire to do some of the same things I did before with a new heart.
     Now, I'm not the "light" version anymore, but I'm not where I want to end up!
     What's changed? I have to say that it is the daily struggle to make time for God. Now if that sounds a little wonky to you, think on it just a second. Is it easy for you to find time to do something you really don't want to do? If you are thinking to yourself that "if you love God you will want to spend time with Him" you are most likely farther on the path than me. I don't want to spend time in God's word for so many reasons! I'm a preschooler who doesn't want to clean up after her messy puppy but knows she has to do it so she tries to be "busy" with everything else! "Why?" you ask. Because sometimes, I find things in those pages that I don't want to do. I don't want to die to self. I don't want to put others first. I don't want to trust God, I would rather figure the problem out myself. I don't want to quit reading/watching things that are on the edge of sin. Do you see what I'm getting at? But when I fight that inside and make that time for God, I find things like endless love, friendships that last, romance (Song of Songs anyone?), freedom, and so much more!
     For those of you who read my writings on Facebook and think that I'm this deeply spiritual person, I hope you see the true me and know that those words are the "Jesus in me" as Pastor loves to say. For those of you who are reading this and thinking, "yup, that's Karen all right" I hope you will get to know me better. I know that I am hardest on myself, but I also know that I love God and I want His people to see that God uses imperfect people every day of this life! For all my faults, I'm still there to comfort those who are hurting, there to pack boxes to send to other countries, there to share a word of encouragement, and there to wipe away a tear and hold a hand. Being a Christian isn't about being perfect, it's about following Jesus. When we slip and fall off the path, we cry out to our Father and that big brother of ours hears and turns around, picks us up, dusts us off and gives us a hug and tells us He is with us.
     Masks are hard to take off especially if they have been there awhile. I hope that after having read this, you have the courage to take off a mask. Just remember to do it some place safe and with people who love you. If you need a place like that, come to Seymour Christian Church. You're welcome to sit by me, I'll be the one with the lines on my face from the recently removed mask. I'll also be the one with the great big smile because my brothers and sisters at SCC love each other and I know they have my back!  

Who Are You Taking For Granted?

     WARNING: this blog entry contains lots of name dropping! If you start reading and find yourself offended by that, please take a second and ask God to redirect you on that. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but to prove a point. If you aren't from my area, you may recognize a few names, but I think you will still be able to get the point of this entry.

     I don't know how anyone else comes up with what they write for their blog or even how they come up with what they write period. All I know is my personal experience and it seems to fit with my character since as long as I can remember. I have always been one of those people who just kinda "takes it as it comes" and goes with it. Sometimes, this has served me well, and others not so much. In high school, I was a champion extemporaneous speaker. If you don't know what that it is, one of my favorite teachers and FFA adviser, Jim Stephenson (known as "Mr. S" to his students), said this about extemporaneous speakers: "those are the people who can get a topic, look at it for 5 seconds, and then give you the biggest load of bs (yes he said "bs" not the bad word!) you ever heard." Not really sure why extemporaneous speaking is a contest, but it is a lot of fun! What happens is just like he said, the judges give you a topic, you have about 30 seconds to think on it, then you have to come up with a speech for however long the contest has said. You have to make it believable and interesting. I won lots of contests with this ability! Now though, God seems to be using this ability in a new way for me with writing. 

     Since my personality already has a bit of the "less than structured" about it, I have found that all I needed to do was let go a little more and let God in. Before I sit down to write, I ask God to give me the words that He wants me to share. Now with everything I have just shared, you may be thinking that this is easy for me. Well, I left out the control-freak part of my personality. I like to be in control. I'm sure if you asked my cousins, Mary (Darlage) Jaynes and Susan (Darlage) Bevers, they could attest to this well! When we used to go to our grandparents to spend the night, if I wasn't the one running the activities, I wasn't happy about it. However, during this "40 days" God has repeatedly shown me that it's time to grow up in Christ and stop taking people and things for granted. 

     This has been a humbling and awe inspiring time for me. When Chad came home from the hospital and we met with the ortho doc and found out that this was a little more serious than we thought, I was hurt, angry, but surprisingly wasn't feeling crushed. God had already started putting a plan in place for me to help provide for my family. I thought about this recently when a couple people asked us "how are you making it" this past Sunday. Well, we are making it by God's provision. God has provided for us in ways that are humbling with our families, in ways that are awe inspiring with our church family, and in ways that some would say are pretty ordinary. 

     Before Chad was hurt, I had started working to get a position as a substitute bus driver to help with finances. Now, this was out of the blue for me as I've been a work from home mom since Danika was born. However, the day before I turned 40, I got my certification to drive! Ordinary or God inspired? I have to choose God using the ordinary! Don't get me wrong, this is still a hugely stressful time for us! We didn't have disability insurance and Chad was the primary source of income for us. As I write this, we are praying for the money to finally come for Chad's car, over 3 months after it was totaled. You see, we need that money to put fuel in our heating tank and tires on our only car, but I'm trusting God for His perfect timing. I need to point out that prior to Chad's accident, I would not have shared that little bit with you. You see one of my "pet sins" is pride. I don't want anyone to think that we need anything. God is dealing with this sin in me right now and I feel it losing it's grip daily, but I still have to give it to God constantly. So when I had the idea forming in my head for this entry, I had to wonder if it was me or God.

     Who are you taking for granted? I have found that I was taking a lot of people for granted! I guess it is not so much that "familiarity breeds contempt" in this case, but more of a "I see them all the time and don't really think about them much in that light" kind of thing. Sometimes, it takes a 40 day kind of experience for you to learn how special people are to you and how sad it is to take them for granted!

     During our wilderness time, there have been many people who have reached out to us. The Lockman family are people we have taken for granted. Our pastor, Bill Lockman, is a real man of God and I think lots of times, I don't think enough about him. I won't share his whole story here as you can get that in bits and pieces from his sermons, but if you stop and think about what he gave up to serve God, "WOW!" is all I can think! However, Bill is a humble servant who continually points out his flaws but keeps pointing us to God. I kind of take him for granted because at our house, he is "Pastor Daddy". Danika started calling him this one day out of the blue and it has stuck. In a lot of ways, he is our spiritual dad and his quiet, "I love you" every Sunday lets me know he is one of my biggest supporters. The thing about this is that I bet there are people reading this right now who feel the same way about Bill because he is just that cool/loving/supportive! 

     Love Lockman is another one of those people in my life. Love called me personally to go with her on the mission trip. She is there right now and I'm here writing this (God said no, but He is still using my desire to be with Love). I didn't think anything of it really at the time, but I sure there are lots of women who would love to get a phone call from THE Love Lockman asking them to go with her! I totally take Love for granted. She is a renowned women's conference speaker, counselor, and children's pastor. I am blessed to have her in my life and yet many times, I just take her for granted. God has been showing me that and helping me to see that a prophet is not always shown the respect in his (or her) hometown that he should be. God has set Love and Bill aside (made them holy or set apart) to foster in others a deep love and desire to serve the Lord. I'm sure if Love reads this, she will be like, "uh uh, you didn't just call me "THE" Love Lockman"! See she is humble like that, but she is a spiritual mother like no other and I'm glad I can call her friend!

     There is one more Lockman to mention at this time, there are actually 3 more, but one has made a life impact on me and that is Stevie. Stevie is my "little brother". Whether or not he "owns up to that", that is how I see him in my heart and yet, I take him for granted as well. Many of you know that Stevie went through a very rough time in his life and again, I won't share his testimony as you can find that on Seymour Christian Church's Facebook page. However, I will say that his humility and ability to let go and let God has completely inspired me. Like most little brother and big sister relationships, life gets in the way and you get busy with your own immediate world. I take for granted that I will be able to talk to him when I want, but that won't always be the case. You see, I know deep down that God has a big plan for Stevie and he will be "busy" about kingdom work. 

     Then there is Betty Gray. Talk about being in the presence of greatness and being blind to it?! Don't know Betty, Google her! She is another renowned women's speaker and author. When she is at home in Seymour, she sits behind us in church. She loves my little "diva" and takes time to ask about her whenever she sees me. She sends me email and messages to encourage, mentor, and challenge me. What? You don't get it? This is BETTY GRAY! She's on Amazon for goodness sake! She gives me hugs and prays for me. If you still don't get the picture, let me just say that if the Bible was going to talk about Jesus' grandma, Betty would be the woman to play her in the movie! She is just that cool, that set apart, that awe inspiring, and that down to earth- a part of my life that many would love to have the opportunity to be near and yet, I take her for granted. 

     The Lockmans and "Queen Mother" (as Betty is affectionately called by some at our church) aren't the only ones in my church family that I take for granted. There are other quiet servants that God keeps placing on my heart as well as those who are well known. You know it is cool that I can count on Tim Goodpaster to pray for me when I need it. There have been many times that he has prayed over Danika and to my knowledge, he has never even met her. He is one of those great servants of God that you share with thousands of people and just take it for granted that he is there for you. Jason O'Neal, Wayne Huddleston, Pam Huddleston, Bill Weaver, Dan Weaver, Donna Sullivan, Aaron Milbourn (if you don't know his name yet, you will soon when it comes to Christian music), Jeremy Touchet, and many more I take for granted. These individuals serve God tirelessly and have served me and mine repeatedly and I don't realize how blessed I am to be able to say that!

     Do you have church family that you take for granted? Don't wait until you are in the wilderness to realize this! Ask God to open your eyes to see His prophets in your midst now. I wonder how many people knew Billy Graham, Joyce Meyers, or even Jesus intimately and didn't realize the truth about who they were and what they were about. Don't miss an opportunity to love on someone who has served you in Christ's name! Humble servants they may be, but they still deserve honor for living their lives in service to the Lord. Learn to say, "thank you" and "I love you" more. That's another lesson Bill and Love have taught me. I don't ever come into contact with them that they don't tell me they love me. That is one of the dear lessons of my 40 days and I am humbled and honored to share it with you! 

     Remember earlier when I said that I like to be in control? The control-freak in me would go back and edit this thing until the central theme was seen in every paragraph. Guess it's one of those times to "let go and let God." <3 ya all!      

 SCC's Ladies Mission Team to the Dominican Republic (Oh yeah, Dan's there too! <3)

40 Days or 400 Days?!?

    Time. That one word has a huge impact on nearly all of our lives. It is a factor that we cannot ignore. We measure time in standard units and in not so standard ways such as emotional impact. To one person having an amazing day, time flies; to another suffering through that same day, the hours drag. During my research on "40 days" in the Bible, some scholars suggested that the term "40 days" is not a literal measurement, but rather an expression of a period of time.  I do believe that many places in the Bible, "40 days" was literally 40 days in length. For my purposes, whether it is a literal count of days or not, I will treat "40 days" as an expression of a testing or trial period.
     Does it really matter if it is 40 days or 400 days? For the person going through that time, it sure does! But when you are on the outside of that trial, the length of time really doesn't matter. The emotional impact of those days could have been a lifetime in only a month of time! Time becomes a thing that is both a curse and a blessing.
     So you may be thinking, "what is all of this hubbub about 40 days anyway?" As we come closer to the season of Lent, many of us will be focusing on giving up something we value to help us focus on Christ's suffering and time of testing. This is what many people think of when they think of a period of 40 days, but while this is a wonderful tool that I myself use, this is not the 40 days that our blog focuses on. Chad and I hope to show you a face that will help you to identify with 40 days in everyday life.
     "40 days in everyday life" what does that look like? For our family, it started on November 7, 2013. That was the day Chad left early for work and ended up in the emergency room. He had been in a car wreck and ended up with a broken ankle (among other issues, but very blessed to be alive) that should have been a simple thing, but ended up becoming so much more for us. As I'm writing this, a little over 3 months later, Chad is undergoing surgery to repair the damage that hasn't healed correctly.
     Obviously, our 40 days is already a lot longer than a literal 40 days. It has been a time of much discovery, lots of frustration, and a renewal of faith and that is only the beginning! Many people we know are going through a lot more than us. We have friends that are fighting cancer, have friends that have family members that are dying, some have loved ones in prison, or in the grip of drug addiction. In no way do we mean to make our trials seem larger than someone else's, but it is our goal to maybe encourage those who are suffering and open the eyes of the ones who aren't. Ultimately, you can't compare your 40 days to someone else's. It may not be a physical malady that brings about your 40 day trial. It could be the loss of a job or even a good thing like marriage or the birth of a child.
     As a believer and follower (or my new favorite term, "doer in Christ") of Jesus, we are in a spiritual battle daily. So how do you know when your battle has elevated to the 40 days level? Sometimes, it is pretty obvious, like in our case. When I begin to share more of what has happened in our personal struggle, you will see it clearly. Sometimes, though, there isn't really a dramatic life event that occurs, but you suddenly realize you are in the midst of something big. It is my belief that it is the change in you that really lets you know that this period has begun. It can be either a good change or it can be a detrimental one but you will be changed.
     Think you may be in the midst of a 40 days time frame, but really not sure? Begin to be more aware of your daily life. When you are in a spiritual battle, it manifests in your day to day life. Let me share a small example for you. Being a rather private person, I don't like to share a whole lot of what I'm going through, which is clearly at odds with this blog! I shared with you in my first entry that I believe God is urging me to share more and this seems to be the way to do it. Immediately after I shared my first entry, I experienced a direct attack from our enemy. I won't share the details of exactly what happened, but let me just say it was one of my hot buttons with a family issue that I have been dealing with off and on for years. I didn't react in quite the Christ-like manner that I would have liked to. In fact, quite the opposite! I gave in to hurt and anger and lashed out a little bit. As soon as that had occurred, I realized what was happening. I gave it to God and prayed (which in itself is an indication of change in me, not too many years ago I would not have done this). I also have to give credit to my wonderful Pastor who shared recently that those "conversations" we hold in our head (you know the ones, "I'm gonna say this and he's gonna say that") are directly from the pit of hell! Every time I realized I was holding one of those "conversations" in my head, I immediately stopped it and prayed. Let me just say that I think I was praying every 5 minutes for several hours! The result of that struggle was a phone call the next day that was a breakthrough that I had been praying for for years! What the enemy meant for harm, God turned into a VICTORY!!!
     Have you found yourself having lots of those types of battles lately? You may be in a 40 day period. The indicator, in my experience, to really "diagnose" a 40 day period is the changes being wrought in you. Are you growing? Are you feeling drained? Are you feeling like you can't make it through the day without turning to God? Still not sure, it's time to start keeping track. One of my mentors in the faith keeps a journal. She makes notes of what has happened through the day as well as her prayer requests. To her this is an effective tool to see the battles and the successes. Perhaps this method will help you to realize what is going on. The most obvious way would be to ask God to show you. Are you new to prayer and not quite sure if you are hearing from God? Ask Him to show you and be ready to wait. God may reveal the answer to you through a quiet knowing that gives you peace or He may use a friend to point it out to you. This is one prayer that I have always found Him to be pretty prompt in answering. The thing is I have to be willing to listen.
     I've talked about how to know if you are going through a 40 day period but what about when someone you know is? What do you do? Pray! Pray that God will give your friend the strength he needs to endure. Pray that your friend's eyes will be opened. Finally, pray that God gives you clear direction on what if anything you need to do. Remember Job in the Old Testament and what he went through? Do you remember Job's "friends" and what they said to him? Sometimes, we can be well-meaning but actually inflict more damage than if we hadn't said anything. From my experience, it is the physical needs that are met by friends and family that help the most during a 40 day period. Can you help that friend out with a meal? Or can you help them buy groceries, pay a bill? How about offering to watch their kids to give them a night together? Can you give them a break by taking them out for coffee and talking about anything else for a little bit? God will let you know what your friend needs if you pray and ask Him and really listen without putting yourself and what you think you would like into the equation.
     For those of you wondering, the nurse called a bit ago and let me know that the surgery was still progressing as planned and Chad is doing fine. Until next time, we would very much appreciate your prayers for a swift healing and no complications. <3 you all!!
     

Happy (???) Valentines!

     I warned you in my first entry that I would most likely wander down a rabbit trail every now and then, I just didn't think it would be so soon! God has been pointing something out to me this week and I asked my husband's permission to share it so here goes.
     Today is Valentine's Day. For lots of us, it is a day of romantic love. Women look forward to this day usually beginning in January! Men begin to feel the pressure usually Feb. 13th! All joking aside, while this day is a happy day for many of us, it can be the loneliest day of the year for others. I really didn't know, and I don't mean "head know", I mean deep down really know this until I met my husband.
     Chad is an awesome man! I am very blessed to have him in my life! He is a model husband and devoted dad. However only 8 years ago, Valentine's Day was a sore spot for him. Our pastor likes to play video clips before communion and one Sunday, close to Valentine's Day, he played a clip that hit home with Chad. This clip showed various people and situations and reminded each of the individuals going through the situation that God was there for them and that He loved them more than anyone possibly could. One image was a single, older man (late 30s or 40s) and the caption said to the effect that "would he ever find someone to love him?" After church, Chad shared with me that he had felt like that lots of times before me. This small revelation has come to mind many times over our nearly 7 years together.
     You see, Chad was a single guy for a long time by our society's standards. If we wanted to get technical about it, I could probably say that I was his first real girlfriend (when he was in his early 30's) and now wife. Sure, he dated some, but nothing ever came of it. I know that he loved someone before me. I doubt that this young woman ever really knew how he felt for her, but it would not have taken much encouragement for this love that he had to have become a serious love. Now, I'm sure some of my girlfriends are reading this and thinking, "how can you talk about that?" It's hard! When it comes to my Chad, I'm a very jealous woman! But the truth of the matter is when any couple who wasn't blessed to know that they were meant for each other in high school, comes together later in life, we each have baggage.
     God uses that baggage to teach us lessons in love and life. I have a ton of baggage and some of it I will share in the future. Let me tell you what lesson I have learned from this previous love and then I will get back to the main point of this blog. The lesson God has shared with me when I think of my dearly beloved husband (and those words bring tears to my eyes, because I mean them with all of my heart) loving someone before me is that purity of our bodies, our hearts, and our minds is to be cherished and encouraged in our children. When I have an instance to think of my husband having loved someone else, I think that I don't want my daughter to ever feel any confusion, doubt, or concern about her future husband. The enemy is quick to try to use those emotions to cause strife and tear young marriages apart. So knowing that there isn't a lot I can do to prevent this, I pray for that young man and his parents. He may not even be born yet, but he is already being prayed over for my daughter's sake! While that lesson is a dear one, it isn't the only one to be found in this sharing.
     If I'm honest, I would like to tell you the main point of this is that we "should not judge a book by it's cover." That it takes time to get to know someone and really learn their heart. However, I don't think that this is what I'm supposed to share, even though I like that take on it! What I think I'm supposed to share with you is that there are a lot of hurting people that need God's love and YOU may be His chosen method of delivery. While that may seem strange in the context of speaking about romantic love (since we can only be one person's answer there), it seems to be the point that is fresh in my mind.
     Our pastor has spent the last 3 Sundays teaching on love and really getting us to see that God IS love and we have to really learn to know that. Again, it is not the "head knowing", but the deep down heart knowing that we need. When we begin to get this knowing, revelations like Chad gave to me, really resonate in our souls. You see when he shared that my heart hurt for my then boyfriend, but even more, I hurt for all of the other single men and women in God's family who felt the same way! I can't honestly say that I have walked in those shoes, but through my husband's eyes, I'm able to see how hard that could be and learned compassion in a new way.
     I would like to be able to say to all of the singles reading this, that you just need to trust in God and He will bring you that special someone sometime. But the truth is, that might not be the case. God, in His infinite wisdom, has marked some of you to walk through this world without a spouse. If you are one of the people that God hasn't shown you your spouse yet or you have a deep knowing that you are to remain single, He wants you to know that He is enough. He is enough for now, for tomorrow, and IF He gives you a spouse, He is enough to get you through the crazy times that you WILL face. He also wants you to know that He loves you more than you can imagine! You are not alone and you are loved! He wants you to really come to deep down know this love so He can use you to bless your world. Your life may be a lesson that someone needs to learn.
     If you are one of those who has a spouse and Valentine's is a happy day for you, look around and ask God to open your eyes to see who needs His love today. Think, "I already do that?" Ask Him to show you how the other person feels. Ask Him to let you learn the heart lesson, not just the head one. When you begin to walk in that compassion, even for just a second, your whole world shifts and I can't even describe what you can expect! Your change in perspective may be a lesson that someone needs to learn.
     This really has been a rabbit trail for me! I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to words and writing, so this "heart letter" is a bit maddening for me as when I read it back, it seems disjointed and scattered. However,  I know if you are reading this either you needed to hear it or someone you know does. If you are hurting, I wish that I could reach through this screen and give you a hug! Since I can't, know that God does know and He does care! And He wants you to know that He will be your Valentine now and forever! <3 ya!    

Ever Wonder What Can Happen in 40 Days?

     What's so special about the number 40? Well in the everyday world, probably not a whole lot. Psychologists tell us that it takes 21 days to break a habit or to form a new one. So I guess you could say that 40 days is almost a habit broken and a new one formed. But what if we are looking at it through a spiritual lens?
     Since I'm not a biblical scholar, I did what any child of the computer age would do, I Goggled it! I found out that there are a lot of people who try to put a lot into a number. I did learn some interesting points, but the thing I think I was meant to learn is that 40 days represents a time of trial or testing (www.gotquestions.org and www.biblestudy.org). Several times in the Bible, 40 days is mentioned when a person or a nation is going through a period of testing or suffering through a trial. As many times as it is mentioned, I can't help but believe, along with many of those scholars, that it is an important number. But what does that mean for this blog? LOTS!
     For those of you who know me and my husband personally, you know that we are somewhat private people. Guess that is about to change! I read a few articles on writing blogs before I tried this one and most of them said something to the effect of "look to see what is out there and think about what you can offer that is new or different." Well, I really don't think I have something so "new or different" to offer, but what I do have, I think may help someone and that is my goal. I already mentioned that I'm not a religious scholar, but I am a faith-filled person and I have found that many of the resources out there one might turn to throw in a lot of religious words or seem to be through the lens of someone who has "made it" and is a pillar of the religious world. What about the rest of us who are just getting by? Time to step out of my comfort zone and share our real struggles as they are happening!
     My aim is to share the struggles, laughs, wins, and maybe those losses as well that we work on in 40 days increments. I highly doubt that I will always stay on topic! I will do my best to be transparent and pray that someone who needs to see this will.
     Oh and I guess I ought to introduce us for those of you who don't already know us! My name is Karen and my wonderful husband of nearly 5 years is Chad. We have a vibrant, diva who is soon to be 4 that is very much a focus in our world. I'm sure you will hear more about "Miss D" in the coming entries. I'm a WAHM (work from home mom) and Chad is a diesel mechanic who is currently off work due to an injury he received in a car wreck. I grew up in the church (not always the non-denominational one we are in now), served in ministry, and "fell away" for a good while. Chad's family wasn't as active in church growing up, but it was a part of his childhood. He got baptized as an adult but didn't really have much to do with church until we started dating. Both of us made the decision to make Jesus a part of our marriage and this is where you find us nearly 7 years later! Yes, there's lots more to tell, but if I get started, this won't be a brief intro!
     What are you wanting to change in your life? Spiritual goals? Everyday goals? Are you willing to give it 40 days? While I do believe in miracles, I also know that sometimes the greatest lesson is learned during that period of change. If you are praying to be "delivered from" something (quotations used only because that is a Christianese term, not to make light of it), keep praying! God is listening, but it may be a "40 day" period before He delivers you. It's that 40 days that I'm going to focus on here.  Until next time (I will at least give weekly updates!), keep praying and keep focused! <3 ya!